...worth 1000 words...

Seriously this is my favorite picture. I love this little boy so much.

...heaven is for me...

holding a baby of one day,
tell us what heavens like we start to say.
he blinks and blinks,
we all just wonder what he thinks;
this world he thinks is just so new
but it seems the same to me and you

holding a baby of one day,
he starts to cry and we start to say,
soon it wont be like this
treasure all of this.
he's an angel everyone gleams
he's my angel mama beams

holding a baby of one day,
the nurse comes in and takes him away.
he's kinda sick the nurses say,
but in a little he'll be okay.
just stay here
pretty soon it'll all be clear.

holding a baby of one day,
he's doing better and now can stay.
he closes his eyes and starts to sleep,
mama's happy he's her's to keep.
very soon he'll be home,
and soon they'll be on their own.

holding her baby of one day,
mama starts to smile and begins to say,
with him i think i see
what heaven is for me
very soon he wont be so small
but for now i'll cherish it all

Halley-Samantha Arntz

...so THIS is love...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011. Was suppose to be just a normal check up with Dr. Watts, one of my last appointments before Parker would be born :]. However, when I went in for my appointment, my blood pressure was elevated so high Dr. Watts was a little concerned. My family was in town for the week so I playfully said, "well we should probably just induce labor today." Slightly just trying to be funny. I was not prepared for him to actually agree with me. My sister said my face lost all color when he turned to me and said ya lets do this. HA! I was so excited and scared and freaked out. All the sudden reality hit me. I was going to become a mom. Thank goodness my mom was with me and was able to drive me over to the hospital. I was shaking way too bad to hardly even walk, let alone drive. About an hour after being checked in and all dressed up and IV hooked up, Dr. Watts came in and broke my water and started the pitocin. Up until that point everyone was guessing Parker was going to weigh at least 8 pounds, even though he was going to be 2 weeks early. But, after breaking my water and seeing how much fluid there was in there and how little my belly got after that, everyone started second guessing there estimates.

So at this point it was just a waiting game. I got to the hospital around 3ish in the afternoon. Water broke and pitocin started around 5is. By 9 pm I was dilated to a 7. Everyone thought I was progressing so fast and they were certain Parker was going to arrive before midnight. Unfortunately, the little guy had different plans. He decided to be difficult. He was sunnyside up and with that, I stayed at a 7 up until around 2:30 am. Dr. Watts came in around 1:30 and told me that if I hadn't dilated further when he came back in 1 hour, he would have to do a c section. That terrified me. I never had made a birth plan, and I told myself to keep all options open, but when he said c section suddenly I had a birth plan haha, and a c section was not it. Luckily for me, when Dr. Watts came back and checked on me I had dilated to an 8.5. So no c section for me :] . Things progressed pretty quickly after that. by 4:30 am I started pushing. But because he was face up it took longer to get him out. I pushed for an hour and a half and at 6:06 am on Wednesday March 23, 2011 my life changed forever. Parker Dean was born. 6 pounds 10 ounces 20 inches long. Words will never be able to express how special that moment was. The second I saw him, the second I held him, everything was different. I couldn't remember what life was like without him. Seeing his face was like seeing someone I had known forever.

I had a fever when I delivered him, so he was born with a fever as well. The pediatrician got really nervous about it and decided to start Parker on a 7 day antibiotic cycle. That meant bad new for me and Jeremy. Parker was going to have to stay in the hospital for a whole week. They expected me to leave him there without me. I have never gone through something so hard in my life. Leaving him there every night with the nurses killed me and I didn't know how I would be able to do it the next night. But everyday the second I saw his sweet face in the morning I was happier than I had ever been in my life. Luckily he wasn't very sick, they were just taking extra caution to be safe. Finally on March 30 we were able to take him home. It was amazing to have him home with me.

I am so in love with this little boy. Friends have tried to explain to me the love a mother has for her child. And I thought I understood. Now I know I had no clue what they were saying.