...Parker Dean...

Parker Parker Parker! WHAT A SWEET BOY!! Seriously, if everyone in this world could have a heart as big as Parker, the world would be such a better place. He loves everyone. He has the cutest little laugh, when it's genuine. He has quite the obnoxious laugh also. My brother in law Andrew says Parker has the ability to make you feel stupid with that fake laugh. He cracks me up. He is so smart. So smart. He is a sponge. I really didn't think I would need to watch what I say so early on! He copies everything I say. He can say the following...

airplane
mom
dad
apple
banana
juice
bottle
car
charlee (except it comes out archie)
puppy
baby
down
help me
please
thank you
help you
love you
bath
poopy
open
papa
mama (for grandma)
hudsy
josh
sierra
bobbi (for my sister brandy)
halley (but it comes out hehe)
blue
yellow
snow
yes
no
shoes
socks
couch
cheese
elmo
lion
moo
fishy
amen

There might be more, but I can't remember anymore. He just loves to talk. He is 21 months old now. It might be a little too early, but I'm slowly, and I mean slowly, starting to potty train. His poor little bum seems to be allergic to all diapers these days. And he is always telling me when he needs me to change his diaper. So I feel like it's getting to be time. He thinks it's a fun game to ask me to put him on the toilet and then he just sits there and laughs. Silly guy. He loves his sister Charlee. He loves her so much. He is always giving her kisses and hugging her and trying to help calm her down when she cries. He melts my heart. He likes to tickle my back all the time. And give kisses. He is obsessed with Elmo these days. His favorite movie is Rio. He loves the bright colors and all the singing. He LOVES his grandmas and grandpas. And he loves his uncle Josh. They are best friends. He is learning to pray right now, so he is constantly folding his arms and saying "thank you, papa, amen". He recently has started going to nursery and last sunday when I peaked in on him he was sitting at the snack table like such a good little boy!! I was so impressed! He is the worlds pickiest eater. I'm lucky if I can get him to eat one full meal. He likes mac and cheese, sometimes he like quesidillas, grilled cheese, turkey, string cheese, rice chex cereal, target pretzels, chicken, french fries, scrambled eggs, he will eat anything with ketchup, and he LOVES cake pops from starbucks.

He is just the sweetest, funniest, NAUGHTIEST, most handsome little boy in the whole world.

...Charlee Bryn...

Well well well. To say I haven't posted in awhile would be quite an understatement :] Last time I posted I didn't even mention that I was pregnant. With a GIRL!! Theee most beautiful little girl you will ever see. Let me tell you about her :]

Charlee Bryn Gaskins. Born September 17, 2012 at 5:31 am. 6 pounds 12 ounces 19.5 inches long. She is so perfect. I went into labor on September 16 (papa johns birthday). I was so hopeful she would be born that day. My dad would have loved sharing a birthday wait her. My water broke around 5pm that afternoon. It was theee strangest thing. All day that day the time 4:50 kept flashing in my head. Low and behold my water broke right around that time. I knew it was going to happen that day. So we hurried and packed a to go bag and got a few things ready for Parker and left him with his aunt Sierra, Uncle Josh, and Grandpa Paul. I was so excited. The word doesn't even give how I felt justice. I was way more than excited. With Parker's delivery, watching the delivery was the most special thing I had ever experienced in my life. I was beyond excited to experience it again with my sweet daughter. When I got to the hospital I was only dilated to a 4. Sadly I stayed that way until about 3:30 am. And then I swallowed some water wrong and started choking haha and it made my water break all the way. And when I say break, I mean explode. It was really gross and embarrassing. It just kept gushing. Ha the nurses all laughed at me. Anyway, after that my nurse checked me and I had progressed to about a 5. By 4:30 am, I started feeling super weird movement with each contraction, so I had Jeremy call the nurse in to check me again, I just knew something wasn't right. Sure enough, she checked me again and said my little Charlee was stickng her hand out. Crazy girl. At first they wanted me to just wait it out and see if she would pull her hand back up, but within about 20 minutes they noticed that with each contraction her heart rate would drop dramatically. By about 5 am I was being rushed to the OR to have an emergency c section. Let me tell you, once they decide they are doing a c section, they don't waste any time!! One minute I was texting my mom to tell her they were CONSIDERING doing a c section, the next minute I'm signing all the paper work to have it done. I didn't even get to tell my mom haha. So then I'm being wheeled to the OR, and by this time MY doctor is there and I'm feeling so much better to see his face, a familiar face. I am so very awkward in stressful situations, it's like I freeze up and make such silly mistakes ha ha. So I have the epidural in, so of course I can't walk or really move, yet when they tried to move me to the operating table I tried to help them move me. And then I may or may not have screamed because I may or may not have thought I was going to fall. Oh Amanda. Ha ha. I was totally numb when they started the surgery. Let me tell you, a c section is one of theeee weirdest things to feel. There was no pain involved but you can feel all the pulling and tugging. Craziest thing to feel. Jeremy watched the whole thing. He says it was a really neat thing to watch. They said it would take them 5 minutes to cut me open and just a few more to get her out. Seriously those were the longest few minutes of my life. I kept asking Jeremy if he could see her yet. FINALLY the moment came. 5:31 am. I hear the most beautiful scream I've ever heard. The doctor brings her over to show me her, and I'm such a bad mom, the only thing I was trying so hard to focus on was her hair color. Jeremy and I were disagreeing about the possibility she would have dark hair. I just knew she would and Jeremy thought I was crazy. So I was concentrating on her hair to see if it was dark. Plus I was beyond out of it with all the drugs in me ha ha. So I see that her head is dark, but I cant decide if her hair is dark or if it's the blood. And then I say "she's so small". I should've said "she's so perfect. she's so beautiful". Ah. And then the pain set in. I guess, with a c section they fill you with gas to sew you up. Well the gas went to my chest and caused seriously the worst pain I've ever felt. I really thought I was having a heart attack and I was going to die before I was able to hold my baby. I'm just slightly dramatic. The doctor told me the pain was normal, but he could see my immense discomfort and probably the fear in my eyes so he hurried and gave me some more pain meds, as if I needed anymore. But the pain did go away immediately. So now I am incredibly drugged up and I can't sit up to save my life. I didn't get to hold Charlee for what seemed like forever. I had to wait for the medicine to wear off. So I asked Jeremy probably every two minutes to show me her and let me see her pefect face. PERFECT FACE. She just was perfect. She still is.

Now she is 3 months old. Can we please agree that time goes by waaaaaaay too fast when you're a mom!! Ah time just needs to slow down!! I got Charlee's ears pierced on December 13. Her ears look so so pretty with these little diaond studs in :] What a special girl I have. She LOVES attention. She is the happiest little girl I've ever met. She smiles all the time and it seriously is the prettiest smile you will ever see. At her 2 month check up she weighed 11 pounds 12 ounces and was 23 inches long. 75% for both of those, and her head was in the 25%. But the doctor said overall, she's in the 25%. So she's on the small side. Cute little thing. She's perfect and we are in love with her!

...Breast Cancer...

What a horrible horrible disease. In the past year and a half, my family has been plagues with breast cancer. My cute cousin who took all my beautiful wedding pictures was diagnosed the beginning of last year. Its been a hard year for her. Now, a year later, my sweet grandma, my mom's mom, has been diagnosed. She was informed that she had cancer in both sides of her breasts, and unfortunately they were both different types. Multiple doctors told her that it would be a long, tough road for her. Last week she had her surgery. The surgery that seems to be dehumanizing to so many women. Double mastectomy. My poor grandma. She was putting on such a brave face for everyone, but we could all tell that she was scared. We all were. This is something you never ever want to go through, you never want anyone to go through. After what seemed like forever the doctors informed everyone that her surgery was successful and they are 90% sure it is all out and she will not need chemo. SUCH A RELIEF!!! My mom said my grandpa just cried and said how happy he was. Such a special love those 2 have for each other.

Even though my grandma and my cousin have been able to recover, so far, I have decided to make and sell breast cancer wreaths. To help spread the love for those suffering. We all need to be aware that this can happen to any of us. I'm in the process of making my own website to buy the wreaths, but for now, anyone who is interested is more than welcome to email me and we can arrange it! crazyheartdecor@gmail.com

...random...

I don't really have anything specific to write about, but it's been awhile since I blogged, so I figured why not :]

I think I want to talk about my sisters. And my Parker ;]

I have been so incredibly blessed. I have two sisters who are my very best friends!

Brandy. My sister Brandy is the definition of beautiful and sincere. She has such a big heart and so much love for everyone. She lives soooo far far away from me and as we have gotten older the distance has become more unbearable for me. It's strange to grow up spending everyday with a person and then suddenly be thousands of miles apart. I look back on the days we lived with our parents and all the fun times we had. Dancing in the living room, playing babries, playing pranks on Halley, playing pranks on each other, planning our dream weddings. Our mom used to indulge our obsession with wedding planning and she would buy us all the wedding and bridal magazines we ever wanted. It was so much fun. Oh the days. Brandy is now about a month or less away from becoming a mom and I am so EXCITED to share motherhood with her and be able to learn and grow together as mothers. It will be such a special experience for us to share. She is going to be an amazing mom. And I can't wait to see that sweet baby's face :]

Halley. My sister Halley is also the definition of beautiful, but also the definition of innocence. When I look in Halley's eyes I can see how pure she is. She really has the biggest heart of anyone I know. For Christmas she made blankets and donated them to the Children's Hospital. I admire her so much. Halley and I are 9 years apart and in the beginning that was a big problem for us. I was able spend the whole summer with Halley and our friendship really grew. I miss her. Getting ready together in the bathroom. Running back and forth to each others room to see if our outfits look ok. Singing as loud as we can in the bathroom as if we are famous. Our horrible obsession with cherry coke and cotton candy. Disneyland and stalking the band. Halley knows all my secrets and does not judge. It's a special bond to share. She is beyond her years. She is too smart for her own good. Halley has experienced the real world and how harsh it can be, and yet, she still shines. You can still see that glow in her eyes. She's a special girl that Halley.

I love both of my sisters so so much. Part of my heart is always missing whenever I am not with them. This past year has been especially hard for our family and even though the trials were unbearable, the relationships that were built and strengthened are priceless. My sisters are my best friends and I would do anything for them.

PARKER

I am one lucky mom. Everyday I get to wake up to theee sweetest little happy face. And I get to go to bed every night with the most cuddly little guy. There is something special to be found in motherhood. And it doesn't hurt to have the cutest baby EVER.

Parker is now almost 11 months old. Where the heck does time go. Next month I will be throwing a birthday party!!! Wow. He wants to walk so so bad. Its really cute, but stressful at the same time. He forgets that he can't walk yet and he will let go of something and fall and bang his head. Poor guy has quite the collection of bruises. He is the pickiest eater ever. Eating time is stressful for me. He is the cutest little thing though. He has been so clingy to me the last month. I do love his need for me. I can't even walk out of the room without him screaming. He won't even let me leave him alone with Jeremy. I know it hurts Jeremy's feelings, but I secretly love it. He loves to give me kisses in the morning. He loves to flirt with himself in the mirror. He waves to everyone and everything. Its so cute. We just love this little guy so much!!

...sadness...

This week I have felt an unbearable amount of sadness. So this post will most likely be a ton of rambling and poor me whining. I just need to vent.

I miss me. I miss my life. I miss UTAH. Ah Utah. That place was home. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I miss my independence. I. Miss. My. KITTIES. Sometimes I just close my eyes and I'm walking through the door of our apartment. I know, its torturing me, but I cant not do it. I walk in and my kitties come running. I see my messy living room. I see my messy kitchen. Its all messy. But its MINE. I walk to my room and on the way I see Parker's room. Parker's cute room. Then I get to my room and see MY bathroom, I really need to clean it. Then I just collapse on my bed and start crying. Then suddenly I open my eyes and I'm not in my room on my bed. My kitties are gone. I miss those kitties. I know its silly and makes me look like the crazy cat lady, but I loved those kitties.

I am a mom. I am Parker's mom. I am a good mom. That little boy loves me. But I feel like no one respects that. Some people want to tell me how to do everything. I cant handle that anymore. I am his mom. We will do things on my schedule and what Parker and I feel comfortable to do. He's a happy baby. He knows he's loved and adored. My sanity is completely gone. Ok, i just needed to get that part out.

2011 was hands down the worst year. ASIDE from the birth of my sweet perfect little boy. He makes it all worth it. However, not everyone I know that had a horrible 2011 has a Parker to make it all worth going through. I know I cant bear everyone's burdens, but my heart physically hurts everyday knowing of the pain and suffering that some of my dearest closest loved ones are going through. 3 of my very best friends are all going through trials right now that I cant fix. I feel so helpless just standing on the sidelines watching them suffer. Seeing the sadness in their eyes. Its hard to handle. My sweet little sister is going through a trial I cant even touch. I cant fix it. I cant reach in her heart and hug it. I cant tell her all the pretty words I know and make it better. I admire my sister more than anybody probably and it physically makes me sick to know she is hurting as badly as she is.

I suffer from depression/bipolar disorder. This will be the biggest struggle for me. My husband, as much as I love him, doesn't understand what I'm going through, mentally and emotionally. If I hear the words "Just calm down", or "Cant you just try harder to be happy" one more time, I will lose my mind, literally. It is a nightmare to live with people that have no idea, or are insensitive to what I'm feeling and going through. I dread bedtime. Its when I feel the most alone. Its when I miss everything the most. I know Jeremy means well, but to struggle alone is the hardest thing.

I feel a little better now that I vented this all out. I am sad. I have bad days. I have severe anxiety. But, everyday I get to wake up to my greatest joy. My greatest accomplishment. The LOVE of my life. Parker :]

...adoption...

So many of us take being a parent for granted. We complain about it all too casually. There are so many out there that would give anything they could to be inconvenienced by parenthood.

Two of my very favorite people, Lacie and Jeff Bleak are starting the adoption process. I know it has been a long journey for them and most of it has been painful and unpleasant. These two are some of the most deserving people and want nothing more than to be parents. Please follow their blog and spread the message and keep them in mind and in your prayers.

So pretty please check out their blog and share it with everyone you know http://laciebleak.blogspot.com/

...motherhood is not a hobby...

"Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for."

I love my Parker. I love being his mom. It is the biggest compliment to me that Heavenly Father thought enough of me to give me that little boy.

...the overdue post...

It may or may not be a coincidence that I have not updated our blog for over 6 months. So instead of filling everyone in, I'm just going to jump right into the here and now :]

Jeremy and I have a very busy little guy. He is our pride and joy. Parker Dean is now 9 months old!!!! Where the HECK has all the time gone!! I swear yesterday we were just bringing him home from the hospital!! Here is an update on our little guy...he has 6 teeth. He crawls everywhere, in the blink of an eye. He wants to walk so so so bad. He can stand on his own and get to standing all on his own as well. He loves to say mama. (I'm not quite sure he's actually calling me mama, but he does love to say it when reaching for me). He loves his aunt Sierra. LOVES her. He loves fruit. Baby food fruit or real fruit. The only veggies he will eat are sweet potatoes and corn. He is such a flirt. He will literally bat his eyelashes at strangers and smile a shy smile. Gets their attention every time. He loves his toys, although he has a very short attention span for them, he gets bored soo quick! He is the only baby I have ever seen get sick and still be too busy to actually be sick. He never lets it get him down! Crazy guy :] We love him so much. Words will never express how proud we are of him.

We now live in Farmington, New Mexico. Don't ask why, that's a topic I'll never touch.

We are living with Jeremy's grandma. This last year she has gotten more sick and Jeremy is helping take care of her. She holds a very special place in his heart. Jeremy's sister Sierra lives here with us. We have 2 dogs, Oscar and Cortez. They are the sweetest little puppies! Parker loves them lots. I miss Utah more than I will ever be able to express with a dry eye. Farmington isn't the worst place to live, it's just not home to me.

...best friends...

These two are the best of friends and its so cute to see. Parker knows who Jeremy is and watching him stare and smile at Jeremy is the sweetest thing :]

...being a mom...

We all have our own opinions on what being a mom means, but fortunately for the past 7 weeks, I have learned for myself what it means to be a mom.

Being a mom means...

putting yourself last

opening your heart completely

crying more than you ever knew you could

EVERYTHING makes you cry

learning what innocence looks like

there is ALWAYS laundry to be done

MY baby will always be the cutest baby around

NOTHING my baby does can gross me out

I can sleep later

nothing can make your heart melt the way a child's smile does

you really can never take too many pictures

you finally know what it feels like to be complete

Being Parker's mom is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I was sitting there watching him sleep the other, and I wondered to myself what did I do with myself before he was around. I don't remember life without him, and NEVER do I want to know a life without him again. I ask myself everyday what did I do in my life to deserve something so perfect. I am so thankful God has blessed me with the opportunity to be this little guys mom.

...true joy...

i have been blessed with theee most adorable, happy, loving little guy. he amazes me everyday with his big smiles as he looks right at me. nothing could make me happier than him smiling at me. so quickly he has become my very best friend.

...stay this little...

Your little hands wrapped around my finger
And it's so quiet in the world tonight
Your little eyelids flutter 'cause you're dreaming
So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you, everything's funny
You got nothing to regret
I'd give all I have, honey
If you could stay like that

Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh, darling, don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you
Won't let no one break your heart
No, no one will desert you
Just try to never grow up, never grow up

...worth 1000 words...

Seriously this is my favorite picture. I love this little boy so much.

...heaven is for me...

holding a baby of one day,
tell us what heavens like we start to say.
he blinks and blinks,
we all just wonder what he thinks;
this world he thinks is just so new
but it seems the same to me and you

holding a baby of one day,
he starts to cry and we start to say,
soon it wont be like this
treasure all of this.
he's an angel everyone gleams
he's my angel mama beams

holding a baby of one day,
the nurse comes in and takes him away.
he's kinda sick the nurses say,
but in a little he'll be okay.
just stay here
pretty soon it'll all be clear.

holding a baby of one day,
he's doing better and now can stay.
he closes his eyes and starts to sleep,
mama's happy he's her's to keep.
very soon he'll be home,
and soon they'll be on their own.

holding her baby of one day,
mama starts to smile and begins to say,
with him i think i see
what heaven is for me
very soon he wont be so small
but for now i'll cherish it all

Halley-Samantha Arntz

...so THIS is love...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011. Was suppose to be just a normal check up with Dr. Watts, one of my last appointments before Parker would be born :]. However, when I went in for my appointment, my blood pressure was elevated so high Dr. Watts was a little concerned. My family was in town for the week so I playfully said, "well we should probably just induce labor today." Slightly just trying to be funny. I was not prepared for him to actually agree with me. My sister said my face lost all color when he turned to me and said ya lets do this. HA! I was so excited and scared and freaked out. All the sudden reality hit me. I was going to become a mom. Thank goodness my mom was with me and was able to drive me over to the hospital. I was shaking way too bad to hardly even walk, let alone drive. About an hour after being checked in and all dressed up and IV hooked up, Dr. Watts came in and broke my water and started the pitocin. Up until that point everyone was guessing Parker was going to weigh at least 8 pounds, even though he was going to be 2 weeks early. But, after breaking my water and seeing how much fluid there was in there and how little my belly got after that, everyone started second guessing there estimates.

So at this point it was just a waiting game. I got to the hospital around 3ish in the afternoon. Water broke and pitocin started around 5is. By 9 pm I was dilated to a 7. Everyone thought I was progressing so fast and they were certain Parker was going to arrive before midnight. Unfortunately, the little guy had different plans. He decided to be difficult. He was sunnyside up and with that, I stayed at a 7 up until around 2:30 am. Dr. Watts came in around 1:30 and told me that if I hadn't dilated further when he came back in 1 hour, he would have to do a c section. That terrified me. I never had made a birth plan, and I told myself to keep all options open, but when he said c section suddenly I had a birth plan haha, and a c section was not it. Luckily for me, when Dr. Watts came back and checked on me I had dilated to an 8.5. So no c section for me :] . Things progressed pretty quickly after that. by 4:30 am I started pushing. But because he was face up it took longer to get him out. I pushed for an hour and a half and at 6:06 am on Wednesday March 23, 2011 my life changed forever. Parker Dean was born. 6 pounds 10 ounces 20 inches long. Words will never be able to express how special that moment was. The second I saw him, the second I held him, everything was different. I couldn't remember what life was like without him. Seeing his face was like seeing someone I had known forever.

I had a fever when I delivered him, so he was born with a fever as well. The pediatrician got really nervous about it and decided to start Parker on a 7 day antibiotic cycle. That meant bad new for me and Jeremy. Parker was going to have to stay in the hospital for a whole week. They expected me to leave him there without me. I have never gone through something so hard in my life. Leaving him there every night with the nurses killed me and I didn't know how I would be able to do it the next night. But everyday the second I saw his sweet face in the morning I was happier than I had ever been in my life. Luckily he wasn't very sick, they were just taking extra caution to be safe. Finally on March 30 we were able to take him home. It was amazing to have him home with me.

I am so in love with this little boy. Friends have tried to explain to me the love a mother has for her child. And I thought I understood. Now I know I had no clue what they were saying.

...love, life, and such...

After having quite a few conversations, with quite a few people, I have learned so much about myself, my goals, the life I want to live, and the people I want in my life. The biggest thing I learned about myself is, I AM growing up. Since I spend everyday with myself, its not something I notice happening. Sometimes I still see myself as the high school girl I used to be. And honestly, I think part of me always wanted to be that girl; the life of the party, the one who never worries, the one who gets to spend all my money and attention all on myself. BUT this weekend, I saw myself in an invisible mirror, the kind of mirror that shows you your heart.

I love my husband. That seems like such a simple statement, but it holds so much meaning to me. I love him more than I ever thought I could love another person. Saying he completes me sounds so cheesy, but its so true. He is my best friend. I never thought I would settle down and stay in love with the same person for my whole life, but Jeremy found his way into my heart somehow and changed all of that for me. I love him more than I love myself. I cant explain this love, but I have seen others who are incapable of loving another person this deeply.

I am so excited to become a mom. To bring a life into this world and teach him how to love others. To run errands for him, have endless piles of laundry, my kitchen sink filled with dishes. I AM excited for all that. I want to become a mom and live that lifestyle. I am so excited to love this little baby and put him before myself. I want to give him all the love in the world. Some people have made it very clear of their perception of motherhood, and from their point of view motherhood is bleak and boring and redundant. But that's ok to me. Even if that were to hold true, I lose sleep at night caused by the excitement that overwhelms my heart knowing soon that will be my life.

I like being careful with my money. I am ok with wearing the same pair of shoes everyday, or only having 3 pairs of jeans that aren't name brand. In fact, I don't even know any of the name brand jeans, nor would I ever care to spend 100+ dollars on clothing. I'm ok with the fact that my money goes towards groceries and diapers and rent. Knowing I am responsible makes me feel better as a person.

I like being nice to people. I feel so icky if I ever make a person feel less of themself. That should never be my goal. I want to make people love themself they way they should. I cant stand it when a person tells me something I did was dumb, or a choice I made was dumb. I make a promise to myself to never purposely make a person feel dumb.

I want to be a good church go-er. I want that closeness with Heavenly Father. I WANT so badly, more than anything in this whole world, to be sealed to my husband and my sweet new baby. I always knew this would be important to me, but I never knew the feeling in my heart would be so strong. The longing to know I will be with them forever is so strong. Some people may have given up on having forever with a person they love, but I refuse to give that up.

...Slacking...

I am the worst at blogging. I cant believe how terrible I am. I have been blog stalking the last couple of days and I feel disappointed in myself that I don't document our life better.

We are having a baby boy in 6 weeks!! I am so sad that I haven't written down everyday how in love with baby I already am.

It was a slow process for me. For the longest time I didn't even believe I was pregnant. I would take test after test just to reassure myself this is all real. But not believing it had consequences too. I wasn't attached to this baby growing inside me. I didn't believe he was there so I couldn't be attached to something I didn't believe was really there. It made me sad. But once I saw that 20 week ultrasound I was hooked! That little boy moving around inside me was part of me and I am totally attached now. I am so in love with this little person that I haven't even touched yet.

We changed his name again. He is no longer going to be a Kouper Dean. His name now is Parker Dean. Jeremy and I no longer could agree on the Kouper spelling and so I said we might as well change the whole name. We both love Parker way more now and we are so excited!!

We have 6 more weeks left until he is born. And that seems soo far away. I just want to hold this little guy NOW. We are slowly getting his room ready. I am trying so hard to pace myself. Getting his stuff ready is the only thing I have left to get done, if I were to do it all right now, I would drive myself, and Jeremy, insane over the next 6 weeks. Jeremy's favorite thing to do right now is poke my stomach real hard and get Parker to kick his hand back. Its real fun for Jeremy, but Parker is quite a strong little guy and it slightly hurts me! But its so fun to see the excitement on Jeremy's face. I cant even imagine how hard it must be for the dad to not be able to feel his baby move all the time. So anytime he feels movements he loves it. Its cute to see him fall in love with this baby the way I am madly in love with this baby.

...names...

So....we are having a baby boy! And I am so unbelievably excited. Naming him has not been the easiest process. Jeremy is a very special kind of person and that means that he cant like just any normal name. Oh no that would have been too easy for him to do.
Before we knew what we are having the name game was not a fun thing for us to play. We could talk about girl names like it was nothing and we easily agreed on a name for a potential daughter. BUT when the boy name topic came up tempers flared. We could not agree on even one name. We would get in screaming door slamming fights over this!! Finally we agreed to not even talk about it until we knew. But the damage had been done, at least I thought. I was starting to dread finding out if it was a boy. I knew the long road that would be ahead of us if it happened to be a boy. I almost had convinced myself that Heavenly Father wouldn't make me go through that. Ha ha. That was a bit dramatic of me to think.
Lets maybe take a minute to discuss the ABNORMAL names that Jeremy was adamant on naming our son :].
1. Dean
2. Samuel
3. Jensen
4. Jarod
5. Titan
6. Leonidas
Now, yes the first 4 names SEEM like they are normal enough and there shouldn't be anything to complain about. Which, is true, HOWEVER!!, the only reason Jeremy even likes those first 4 names is because they are characters on his favorite show Supernatural. Dean is a character and Jensen is his name in real life. Samuel is Deans brother on the show and Jarod is Sam's real name. It would seem that hes a slight bit obsessed.
Titan was my fault. My friend Whitney and I were making fun of dumb names people choose and Titan was mentioned so I told Jeremy thinking he would make fun of the name with me. Big mistake. He loved it. And Leonidas! AH what do you even say to a name like that?! He got it off the movie 300 and he said any kid named Leonidas is bound to be the coolest kid at school. He was dead serious about it too. He researched it, made me watch the movie with him and everything. So needless to say, I was dreading the thought of having a boy and having to name him Leonidas!!
BUT, thank goodness, we were able to agree on a name. We are going to name our sweet little guy Kouper Dean. I know everyone has their opinion on the way we are spelling his name, but I don't care what they think :]
We are so excited for him to get his little active body here!!

...verdict is in...

Today Jeremy and I had the big ultrasound today! The one that decides everything!!!

Our appointment wasn't until in the afternoon, so I had to wait all day until it was time to go! They also told me to have a full bladder, and let me tell you that was very not fun and very very uncomfortable! It was soooo cool to be able to finally see our baby and see the nose and the feet and the arms and the hands. The heart pumping was the first thing we saw and that's when the tears started to come. I knew it would happen. I knew I would cry. This baby has made me quite emotional so today of course was no different. Then when she got to the legs, that's when we knew...

Hes definitely a boy!! And I am soooooo in love with him already!!!! Hes so adorable!! It was so cue to see Jeremy's reaction to little mister. I don't think I have ever seen Jeremy smile so big and for so long. He jumped out of his seat when the ultrasound tech told us. It was so cute!!

...so in love...

I talked to one of my friends last night from California, and he told me him and his wife are getting a divorce. It broke my heart. It also got me thinking....

I am married to the love of my life. My very best friend. I would DIE if Jeremy decided he didn't love me anymore. He means everything to me. He is the goofiest person I know, and he makes me laugh all the time. He says it just to make me smile. So I have found a song that says exactly how I feel about him.

SMILE BY UNKLE KRACKER

You´re better then the best
I´m lucky just to linger in your life
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow that´s right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me
Lets me know that it´s ok yeah it´s ok
And the moments when my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed
Sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head
Spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile

Even when you´re gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of
bed sing like bird
Dizzy in my head spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile

Don´t know how I lived without you
Cuz everytime that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall out of bed
sing like bird
Dizzy in my head
spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold
buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Ohh you make me smile
Ohh you make me smile
Ohh you make me smile